I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
