The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
