Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
