I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize