I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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