Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
