Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Couch. On fire.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
