do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
