Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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