dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
