remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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