so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
