hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
