your thong is hanging out like whoa
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
