Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
