found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize