It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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