I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
