bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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