We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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