you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
