Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
