You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
