i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize