Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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