had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Mom said you looked used
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
