you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
