My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
