apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
