you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
