Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
