so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
