Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize