I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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