the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
