Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
