While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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