He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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