Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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