I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
