The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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