DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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