wrigley field is MILF paradise
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
