I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
