Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
