Swine flu. Run for my life!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
