he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
