i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
