so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I party with great urgency now.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
