Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
