i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
