seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
