tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
