the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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