he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
