Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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