I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
