im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
