The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so that wasnt chicken after all
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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