How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I will pee on everything he values.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
