tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
