Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
