...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
